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My life in sex: ‘He turned me on more than any three-dimensional man had’

It’s exciting and unpredictable and we care about each other.’ Illustration: Lo Cole 

The woman exploring dominance and submission in an online-only relationship

It’s 11 years since I started a sexual relationship with a man I’ve never met. When we connected on MySpace, he lived in the north, and I was down south. The attraction was immediate. He is dominant; I have submissive tendencies.

The first time we had phone sex was surreal. He turned me on more than any three-dimensional man had. He encouraged me to explore my submissive side, creating scenarios about what he would do with me if he were there. He’d give me instructions to carry out and I had to report back to him or face “punishment”. After a couple of months, I had him checked out by a private investigator. I didn’t want to be in touch with a fraud, a married man or a liar. The detective agency assured me he was none of those things. We have talked about meeting. But his job takes him abroad for extended periods and, for various reasons, I couldn’t go with him.

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We’ve both had “proper” relationships in the last decade and when we do, we cease contact. We respect each other’s needs for physical intimacy. But we always end up returning to each other.

Of course I don’t get the adventures, or the cosy nights snuggled on the sofa. But having had that with previous partners and been unfulfilled sexually, for now I prefer this. We exchange photos and I send him videos (but not rude ones). And we still have the hottest sex. It’s exciting and unpredictable and we care about each other.

Most people in my life know about him, but not the sexual aspect, and the few people I have told about that don’t get it. But we love what we do.

Source: TheGuardian

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