World Class
Lives near Faversham, Canterbury
Spent £20,000
Time taken four years
Sarah conceived Bertie, now five, via donor egg IVF after three failed rounds of IVF
I read Samantha’s article and
immediately sent her an email – I wanted her to know how I finally got
my son. My partner Philip and I did all the right things during our
three private attempts at IVF but the egg just wouldn’t ‘take’.
The effects of the medication and the overwhelming disappointment when it didn’t work all became too much for me, so we decided that we’d go down the donor egg route.
We were advised to go to Spain, where anonymous egg donation is regulated by the state. I researched it carefully, and came up with a couple of clinics to visit – we were amazed by their professionalism.
During our first consultation at the Institut Marquès in Barcelona we were told I could start the treatment at the beginning of my next period, which was the following week.
Using the eggs from a younger donor gives you a much better chance of success. Because we had the treatment in Spain, where egg donation is anonymous, this also means my son won’t be able to meet the donor when he is 18 – which is my preference and not current practice in the UK. All I knew about the donor was her age (23), height and hair colour, which they try to match with yours as much as possible. If my son becomes ill we can contact her too.
After the transfer of the embryo, I spent two days in bed in a hotel along the coast. The egg ‘took’ just like that…and a few days later we were flying home to the UK. I did worry how I was going to explain the donor egg – how Bertie was made and when to say it.
Bertie was born in May 2008 and then, one day, he asked a question about how he came to be born, and I told the truth. Needless to say it isn’t an issue now.
I was apprehensive about the donor egg route, but that was simply because I didn’t understand enough about it. Now that I have my son, and realise that I needn’t have worried, I really support it. I’m incredibly proud of Bertie, and so grateful to have him.
Lives Cambridge
Spent between £6,000 - £8,000
Time taken five years
Ellie had one round of IVF and gave birth to daughter Hope, now 17 months, in January 2012
We married in the autumn of
2008; tragically my father died the same week. I was overwhelmed by his
death, and had problems with my immune system, so it wasn’t until early
2011 that I was able to undergo my one and only IVF attempt.
We had to go privately, as 35 was the NHS cut-off age where I live. I’d researched a clinic in Spain which had a high success rate with older women, but before we started I travelled to India for three weeks of intensive ayurvedic treatment.
At the beginning of December, when I was eight months pregnant, a taxi I was riding in swerved suddenly and I was thrown against my seatbelt. The following day the baby stopped moving. I was admitted to hospital and scanned every day and the baby’s heartbeat was checked three times a day. The baby was alive and otherwise healthy; it just didn’t move for 15 days.
I was given steroids to strengthen the baby’s lungs. Miraculously it started moving again on Christmas Eve.
Hope was delivered four weeks early by caesarean section in January 2012. Nine days later we brought her home.
I know I’m a better mum now than I would have been in my 20s because I am more prepared to make time for Hope. I might be the oldest mum at the school gates, but I’ll be the proudest. I now run a blog to raise awareness for older mothers and tell the story of our incredible journey together.
crazypregnantperson.com
Lives London
Spent £10,000
Time taken one year
Jane conceived Rupert, now three, naturally after having acupuncture and Chinese medicine (and following two failed rounds of IVF)
I married in 2007 at 39. I tried to get pregnant naturally but thought that – given my age –
I should also have a fertility MOT.
While I was having this, one of the doctors mentioned IVF. He explained that the younger you are, the stronger the chance of IVF success. I went along with his suggestion because I felt so vulnerable.
My husband and I underwent two cycles of IVF, one after the other, at a well-known clinic. I responded well to the first round, and two embryos were transferred, but didn’t ‘take’. The second time, we failed even to produce any embryos.
The following week – coincidentally – I had an appointment with fertility expert Dr Zhai. I’d read an article about her, and had arranged it even before I’d had the IVF – she had a long waiting list. I was in an emotional state of shock when I saw her in December 2008.
I was convinced she was going to tell me I was too old. Yet she was incredibly reassuring, giving me confidence without raising my hopes to unrealistic levels.
She ran a series of checks including blood tests and scans. She only prescribes after she’s
been through the results. In January 2009, alongside regular acupuncture sessions, I started taking specially prepared herbs, following her advice on which supplements to take and made several changes to my lifestyle (including giving up alcohol, taking no vigorous exercise and avoiding cold drinks).
One month later, I’d just returned from holiday and realised my period was late. I bought a pregnancy test and discovered I was expecting! I carried on with the acupuncture, herbs and supplements throughout the first 12 weeks of pregnancy.
I gave birth to Rupert in November 2009 when I was 41. I genuinely believe that if I hadn’t seen
Dr Zhai, I wouldn’t have my son.
Lives Manchester
Spent £5,500
Time taken eight years
Catherine conceived William, two, via IVF after being diagnosed with a septum of the womb.
I
met Gareth in 2003 when I was 34. After three years of trying for a
baby, we had tests in 2006 to establish why I wasn’t falling pregnant.
Everything came back fine. Out of the blue we then received a letter explaining we’d automatically been put on an IVF waiting list.
I’m adopted and my mum had already died – I had no way of knowing if there was anything hereditary that was causing me to fail to conceive naturally.
I was 39 when I had two rounds of IVF in 2008, one in January and one in May. I was really focused during each attempt, though I’d been told I only had a five per cent chance of success.
I don’t think counsellors, if they haven’t been through infertility, can fully appreciate the amount of stress you’re under.
I turned 40 a month after the second attempt – and my third and final NHS IVF cycle was cancelled. If we wanted to try again, we had to pay.
Towards the end of 2008 I also suffered two natural miscarriages. My body was failing me again. I just couldn’t believe it – what was wrong with me? I even considered having a hysterectomy.
At our first private appointment, my consultant – who specialises in recurrent miscarriages – explained that he wanted to ensure my uterus was healthy before going ahead with treatment. We couldn’t afford to pay for an anaesthetic, and the exploratory procedure wasn’t available on the NHS, so I had it performed while I was awake. I was in a lot of pain, but it was worth it.
My consultant discovered that the first two attempts at IVF had no chance of ever working. I was born with a partial septum (dead tissue) of the uterus – I wasn’t physically able to carry a baby to term. Once the septum had been removed, I applied, at 41, for an interest-free credit card to pay for IVF and was able to begin my third cycle.
To our utter joy William arrived in May 2011 – he really is a miracle. Nonetheless, I believe that the NHS let me down. If they’d discovered the problem with my uterus I might already have had another child, and avoided unnecessary stress to myself and expense to the NHS.
I felt I had to contact Samantha after watching her on ITV’s This Morning talking about ‘fertility envy’. I now realise that all the gut-wrenching feelings I experienced back in my 30s (and still do) are not uncommon. Samantha made me realise I was not alone.
I married my husband at 31 in 2001. I had never been career minded – I’d always assumed I’d get married and have children. When we found out that same year that my husband and I couldn’t have children naturally – there was a problem with my fallopian tubes – a little part of me died. We went straight into IVF the following year. There wasn’t any NHS funding available in our area, so we increased our mortgage to pay for our treatment.
'The anxiety of everything that went before had killed our marriage. It was a source of grievance to us that we’d spent all that money with nothing to show for it'
I had 18 eggs retrieved and eight fertilized. Two embryos were transferred – but sadly, the treatment didn’t work and I got my period two weeks later.
In 2003 I had one of my fallopian tubes removed. We continued to borrow money for further rounds of IVF – we had six in total.
On the sixth attempt we went to a clinic in London. Everyone was so kind – I felt really optimistic. Two embryos were put back in. But when I did a pregnancy test two weeks later, it was negative.
We were both so disheartened. My husband suggested we try again, but after five years and £30,000 I just couldn’t go through it again.
We had always known that if IVF didn’t work, then we wanted to adopt. I’ve never been so happy as I was when Alex arrived – for the first time in my life I felt complete.
Unfortunately, the anxiety of everything that went before had killed our marriage. It was a source of grievance to us that we’d spent all that money with nothing to show for it. We’re separated now but still get on really well together.
I still occasionally get ‘down’ days about not having had my own child, but it helps knowing I’m not the only one who feels this way, and Alex has made everything worthwhile.
When 42-year-old Samantha Brick wrote of her desperation to become a mother she was inundated with emails. Here are some of your stories...
In response to Samantha Brick's feature about her longing to become a mother of a certain age, five women reveal what it's really like to have a baby over 40:
‘We decided on the donor egg route’
Sarah Killick, 48, housewifeLives near Faversham, Canterbury
Spent £20,000
Time taken four years
Sarah conceived Bertie, now five, via donor egg IVF after three failed rounds of IVF
'After the transfer of the embryo, I spent two
days in bed in a hotel along the coast. The egg "took" just like
that...' Sarah Killick with son Bertie, five
The effects of the medication and the overwhelming disappointment when it didn’t work all became too much for me, so we decided that we’d go down the donor egg route.
We were advised to go to Spain, where anonymous egg donation is regulated by the state. I researched it carefully, and came up with a couple of clinics to visit – we were amazed by their professionalism.
During our first consultation at the Institut Marquès in Barcelona we were told I could start the treatment at the beginning of my next period, which was the following week.
'Bertie
was born in May 2008 and then, one day, he asked a question about how
he came to be born, and I told the truth. Needless to say it isn’t an
issue now'
The doctor spoke perfect English and
had a great sense of humour too, which helped. We decided to delay it by
a month for me to adjust to the idea, because although we would be
using Philip’s sperm, we would not be using my eggs. Using the eggs from a younger donor gives you a much better chance of success. Because we had the treatment in Spain, where egg donation is anonymous, this also means my son won’t be able to meet the donor when he is 18 – which is my preference and not current practice in the UK. All I knew about the donor was her age (23), height and hair colour, which they try to match with yours as much as possible. If my son becomes ill we can contact her too.
After the transfer of the embryo, I spent two days in bed in a hotel along the coast. The egg ‘took’ just like that…and a few days later we were flying home to the UK. I did worry how I was going to explain the donor egg – how Bertie was made and when to say it.
Bertie was born in May 2008 and then, one day, he asked a question about how he came to be born, and I told the truth. Needless to say it isn’t an issue now.
I was apprehensive about the donor egg route, but that was simply because I didn’t understand enough about it. Now that I have my son, and realise that I needn’t have worried, I really support it. I’m incredibly proud of Bertie, and so grateful to have him.
institutomarques.com
’After IVF in Spain, we discovered that I was pregnant’
Ellie Stoneley, 49, writerLives Cambridge
Spent between £6,000 - £8,000
Time taken five years
Ellie had one round of IVF and gave birth to daughter Hope, now 17 months, in January 2012
'I might be the oldest mum at the school gates, but I'll be the proudest.' Ellie Stoneley, 49, with daughter Hope
I met my husband Roy just before my 40th birthday. We wanted to have a child
together, but sadly I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks in 2006 and didn’t
conceive naturally again due to a problem with one of my fallopian
tubes. We had to go privately, as 35 was the NHS cut-off age where I live. I’d researched a clinic in Spain which had a high success rate with older women, but before we started I travelled to India for three weeks of intensive ayurvedic treatment.
'I know I’m a better mum now than I would have been in my 20s because I am more prepared to make time for Hope'
I wanted my body and mind to be as
prepared as possible. It was a lot of hard work but the preparation paid
off, and to our utter joy – after IVF at the clinic in Spain – we
discovered that I was pregnant in May 2011. I had the backing and
support of friends, family and doctors, who were pragmatic about the
risks of having a baby later in life, and I kept fit and healthy
throughout the pregnancy. At the beginning of December, when I was eight months pregnant, a taxi I was riding in swerved suddenly and I was thrown against my seatbelt. The following day the baby stopped moving. I was admitted to hospital and scanned every day and the baby’s heartbeat was checked three times a day. The baby was alive and otherwise healthy; it just didn’t move for 15 days.
I was given steroids to strengthen the baby’s lungs. Miraculously it started moving again on Christmas Eve.
Hope was delivered four weeks early by caesarean section in January 2012. Nine days later we brought her home.
I know I’m a better mum now than I would have been in my 20s because I am more prepared to make time for Hope. I might be the oldest mum at the school gates, but I’ll be the proudest. I now run a blog to raise awareness for older mothers and tell the story of our incredible journey together.
crazypregnantperson.com
‘I tried acupuncture and lifestyle changes’
Jane Parker, 44, advertising directorLives London
Spent £10,000
Time taken one year
Jane conceived Rupert, now three, naturally after having acupuncture and Chinese medicine (and following two failed rounds of IVF)
'I went along with my doctor's suggestion of IVF because I felt so vulnerable' Jane with Rupert as a baby
I should also have a fertility MOT.
While I was having this, one of the doctors mentioned IVF. He explained that the younger you are, the stronger the chance of IVF success. I went along with his suggestion because I felt so vulnerable.
My husband and I underwent two cycles of IVF, one after the other, at a well-known clinic. I responded well to the first round, and two embryos were transferred, but didn’t ‘take’. The second time, we failed even to produce any embryos.
'I
was told that for someone of my age at this point in my life it was
unlikely that I’d ever have a child naturally. I was shaken to the core –
I’d always assumed we’d have a baby'
I was then told that for someone of
my age at this point in my life it was unlikely that I’d ever have a
child naturally. I was shaken to the core – I’d always assumed we’d have
a baby.The following week – coincidentally – I had an appointment with fertility expert Dr Zhai. I’d read an article about her, and had arranged it even before I’d had the IVF – she had a long waiting list. I was in an emotional state of shock when I saw her in December 2008.
I was convinced she was going to tell me I was too old. Yet she was incredibly reassuring, giving me confidence without raising my hopes to unrealistic levels.
She ran a series of checks including blood tests and scans. She only prescribes after she’s
been through the results. In January 2009, alongside regular acupuncture sessions, I started taking specially prepared herbs, following her advice on which supplements to take and made several changes to my lifestyle (including giving up alcohol, taking no vigorous exercise and avoiding cold drinks).
One month later, I’d just returned from holiday and realised my period was late. I bought a pregnancy test and discovered I was expecting! I carried on with the acupuncture, herbs and supplements throughout the first 12 weeks of pregnancy.
I gave birth to Rupert in November 2009 when I was 41. I genuinely believe that if I hadn’t seen
Dr Zhai, I wouldn’t have my son.
zhaiclinic.com
'My body was failing me’
Catherine Havery, 44, senior cabin crewLives Manchester
Spent £5,500
Time taken eight years
Catherine conceived William, two, via IVF after being diagnosed with a septum of the womb.
'After the IVF failed the second time I
genuinely felt like life wasn't worth living' Catherine Havery, 44, with
son William, two
Everything came back fine. Out of the blue we then received a letter explaining we’d automatically been put on an IVF waiting list.
I’m adopted and my mum had already died – I had no way of knowing if there was anything hereditary that was causing me to fail to conceive naturally.
I was 39 when I had two rounds of IVF in 2008, one in January and one in May. I was really focused during each attempt, though I’d been told I only had a five per cent chance of success.
'I don’t think counsellors, if they haven’t been through infertility, can fully appreciate the amount of stress you're under'
After the IVF failed the second time I genuinely felt like life wasn’t worth living. I don’t think counsellors, if they haven’t been through infertility, can fully appreciate the amount of stress you’re under.
I turned 40 a month after the second attempt – and my third and final NHS IVF cycle was cancelled. If we wanted to try again, we had to pay.
Towards the end of 2008 I also suffered two natural miscarriages. My body was failing me again. I just couldn’t believe it – what was wrong with me? I even considered having a hysterectomy.
At our first private appointment, my consultant – who specialises in recurrent miscarriages – explained that he wanted to ensure my uterus was healthy before going ahead with treatment. We couldn’t afford to pay for an anaesthetic, and the exploratory procedure wasn’t available on the NHS, so I had it performed while I was awake. I was in a lot of pain, but it was worth it.
My consultant discovered that the first two attempts at IVF had no chance of ever working. I was born with a partial septum (dead tissue) of the uterus – I wasn’t physically able to carry a baby to term. Once the septum had been removed, I applied, at 41, for an interest-free credit card to pay for IVF and was able to begin my third cycle.
To our utter joy William arrived in May 2011 – he really is a miracle. Nonetheless, I believe that the NHS let me down. If they’d discovered the problem with my uterus I might already have had another child, and avoided unnecessary stress to myself and expense to the NHS.
gyne-health.co.uk
I felt I had to contact Samantha after watching her on ITV’s This Morning talking about ‘fertility envy’. I now realise that all the gut-wrenching feelings I experienced back in my 30s (and still do) are not uncommon. Samantha made me realise I was not alone.
I married my husband at 31 in 2001. I had never been career minded – I’d always assumed I’d get married and have children. When we found out that same year that my husband and I couldn’t have children naturally – there was a problem with my fallopian tubes – a little part of me died. We went straight into IVF the following year. There wasn’t any NHS funding available in our area, so we increased our mortgage to pay for our treatment.
'The anxiety of everything that went before had killed our marriage. It was a source of grievance to us that we’d spent all that money with nothing to show for it'
I had 18 eggs retrieved and eight fertilized. Two embryos were transferred – but sadly, the treatment didn’t work and I got my period two weeks later.
In 2003 I had one of my fallopian tubes removed. We continued to borrow money for further rounds of IVF – we had six in total.
On the sixth attempt we went to a clinic in London. Everyone was so kind – I felt really optimistic. Two embryos were put back in. But when I did a pregnancy test two weeks later, it was negative.
We were both so disheartened. My husband suggested we try again, but after five years and £30,000 I just couldn’t go through it again.
We had always known that if IVF didn’t work, then we wanted to adopt. I’ve never been so happy as I was when Alex arrived – for the first time in my life I felt complete.
Unfortunately, the anxiety of everything that went before had killed our marriage. It was a source of grievance to us that we’d spent all that money with nothing to show for it. We’re separated now but still get on really well together.
I still occasionally get ‘down’ days about not having had my own child, but it helps knowing I’m not the only one who feels this way, and Alex has made everything worthwhile.
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